I Feel Calm

I do, I feel calm inside. More calm that I have felt in the last 2 months. The only thing that has changed has been my decision to fully surrender to my wonderful husband. To please him and care for all his needs. I love the way it feels in my heart to look up into his eyes knowing that I get to belong to him and he'll take care of me forever.

We don't have it all figured out yet, but I can tell you this. It's not that I didn't care about cleaning my house before, but it was definitely a little farther down on my priority list which meant that it didn't always get done. Yesterday, I worked with more diligence and I've been able to get more done. I work with a different heart. I want to do it because I know it pleases him. (and I feel better too when my home is clean and free of chaos and clutter)

At the end of the day I went out with a friend that I hadn't seen in a while and while I had a great time I found myself just itching to get home and be with him and serve him in any way he needed. He took such amazing care of me and I am only praying that I pleased him as much as he pleased me. I think he particularly loves the fact that once I am aroused all he has to do is wrap his strong sexy hand around my throat and jiggle my clit and I just squirt away. I can't describe the way my arousal goes through the roof when he momentarily deprives me of air. I never used to understand those people that die from auto erotic asphyxiation. But oh man, I understand it now. Every time I am deprived of air, either from his glorious cock or his wonderful hands I find myself wanting to be pushed to the limits. This must be the "danger sex" that I have read about. I get it now. I fell asleep before finishing my post here, so I have just a few new comments for this morning.

I got my first little jolt of terror and pleasure all at once this morning when my DH left without pressing his beautiful lips to mine. All I got was this text. "Today begins your training, the first lesson is your alarm, and I will deal with that tonight. Next is for you to clean ALL upstairs rooms before I get home, send me some pics as you finish them." I was crushed... our kisses before we leave one another and as soon as we return is probably my favorite little ritual of ours. But, I can promise you, I will not ignore my alarm again. Headache or not! And it feels like a huge pressure has been lifted from my shoulders that him, my love, my husband will be keeping me accountable. Who knew that all this time, that is what I needed from him. He has always given me such latitude in the past which I appreciated at the time. But I was always apologizing for not doing this or that, or taking care of this or that. I was always too busy with the kids and now I realize how important it is to me to take care of him first. I will of take care of my children of course, but we don't always have to be having a play date every day of the week. Yesterday I had a HUGE revelation when it comes to the kids. Our kids like most kids have a difficult time listening at times, to either of us. It is a great opportunity for me to teach the children to respect and listen to their father through my own actions.

A personal thing that I am working on is to alter my spirit. I want to be a mild mannered woman with a quiet spirit, rather than a shrieking shrew. Sometimes, I really feel like a shrieking shrew. Someone I know is very good at this... I will ask her how she does it. I am meeting up with her today, so I'll let you know what it is I find out. I just hope she has some insight for me.

I will post again at the end of the day and tell you of my first punishment!