Letting go

I let my DH read my blog post which of course opened up the conversation that needed to happen. We talked about my views on the subject of submission. What I wanted to get out of it, and what his perceptions were. He was concerned about weather I felt like I had to do it or weather this was a voluntary decision. It is most definitely voluntary. He has told me that he doesn't want to see me as a slave, and I do not see myself as a slave either. I like feeling more like his most prized possession. I found a book online that I really want to buy. It's called "The Surrendered Wife : A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion, and Peace with Your Man".

We are all sick right now so with DH staying home today we delved in to doing research and spending the entire day in bed together. Me slowly learning to be patient and go at his pace. I am usually the one that gets impatient and wants his cock buried so deep inside me. He always complains about that. This is one thing that is clearly defined that I can work on. I am relinquishing all control in the sexual process. I'll do whatever he wants at whatever pace he wants. It was so amazing. He made me cum so much that we had to change the sheets and flip the mattress. He spent so much time looking into my eyes with a new look in his eye. It was amazing. I could literally feel his love for me penetrating my soul. He wrapped his loving hands around my throat so strong and firm. It made my love hole dribble with passion. It got to the point where I would tremble in anticipation at the mere caress of my throat with his hand. He makes me feel like the sexiest woman alive.

Somewhere in the middle of the day our kids (thanks to this cold) were both actually sleeping and we were able to take a little nap ourselves. All too soon our littlest woke up and I got up with her. While I was comforting her I started to think about the other things I can do to expand on my desire to be a submissive wife. First thing I did is clean up the kitchen and the dining room and start to make dinner. After all, my DH works hard to take care of us, he deserves my hard work to take care of him. And on this note I have decided that since this is true, he also deserves the best version of myself that I can. I will in time be able to be dressed in something he likes to see me in and I will have make up on and hair done.

I've lost track of the order in which I came across these ideas, but at the end of the day these are things I have decided need my attention. These are areas that I need to give control to my DH, my caretaker. First, the finances. I will alert him to our household needs, my needs, the children's needs, and suggestions for purchases. However, the final decision will be his to make. Next, I need to be more careful that I collaborate with my DH about the children and how they should be disciplined. Fortunately, I don't believe we are too far off on this one but I did notice a couple things today. Also, I need to keep a cleaner and more organized home. It is not fair for my hard working DH to come home to a cluster of messes all over the house. It may take me a while to figure out how to get it all done, and then keep it up. I will work hard on this. Finally, I need to discover what kinds of things can I do for him to release the stress and pressure of his job at the end of the day. I don't know if that means that he needs a foot rub, or a beer, or a bj, or a bath. But I realized today that aside from knowing that he likes to come home and get on his computer... I've never really tried to find out what else he might enjoy. So much to learn... so much fun on the journey!